I recently found a more enjoyable way of sharing my thoughts and other shareable materials. So, this blog will probably be left dormant.
I don’t want to abandon it completely, it’s been a faithful canvas for five years now.
I’ll see you on the new place then, if you can find me. :)
We all have those moments. The critical branches in life that we now recall in retrospect. It’s not going to change anything (as we’ve taken our choices anyway), but sometimes, pondering the possibilities of those branches could be fun.
If the concept of multiverse is true, maybe I would ask my other copies these questions; “Hey General Asfar, how’s your troop holding on the front line?” or “Hey 1st year Informatics student Sadewa, what happened after you stopped your motorbike that day and asked her out?”.
Hahah.. those sort of questions.
An old friend said to me,
Aku ora wedi kere!!
I am not afraid of being poor!!
I did not answer or comment, I knew I was afraid.
I knew that there were people who had won over this fear. I am not (yet) one of them.
This is a true story.
old-geezer-flirter:
some fourteen years ago, I used IRC almost daily! was the only cool thing back there.
young-cool-and-fun-random-girl:
umm.. I dunno .. I was born fourteen years ago, so yeah, not sure.
old-geezer-flirter:
ok
It started quietly, it ended quietly too.
I guess this is the moment in the year where my accomplishments, --no matter how grand they were—, feels like nothing in this quiet end of Ramadhan. Everything becomes quiet, even more quiet than my ordinary days. Every noise turns into fading distortion, only the vague and distant whispers of my family and relatives in my hometown are rushing into my head.
This is no glory at all, like they have always said.
I guess, the glory is there only for those groups who deserve it, and I might not be included in any.
Di desa, telinga dan anggukan kepala melimpah. Kisah romantis dari kota, betul atau karangan, diamini setulus hati. Mereka bangga warganya berhasil di ‘negeri seberang’. Mereka respek dengan keberanian serta kegigihan siapa saja yang berhasil ‘menaklukkan’ kota besar. Bagi warga desa tidak ada lawan atau kompetitor. Yang ada, semuanya saudara, teman dan handai taulan.
(taken from: Detik, 17 September 2009, http://bit.ly/gpo9N)
It is true then, today is the destination of happiness I have yet to reach. I’ll give it another go, next year. Until then.
For years (well, three years and some months actually), I have been trying to actively participate in the ever growing social media of Facebook through daring status updates, witty quotes, and even posting songs and movie that only I could comprehend. Lurking through my friends’ (and MANY old friends) updates, posting comments, trying to establish a sense of exclusiveness, a sense of a guy demanding attention (I can say that now, but before, pffftt, heheh).
As time went by, I felt more and more pressured to perform something on Facebook. The stuff I wrote there became weird and weirder even to myself. It was the pressure to be unique, to be acknowledged, when nobody should even care what I wrote there :). It was becoming a no longer fun type-what-you-feel thing, It was becoming a burden, I even had to think first on what I should write to maintain the witty image I tried to build. Bull crap.
I decided to quit Facebook.
In my dying Facebook days, I turned to Twitter, with all of its’ wit and information overflow, and the thought that I might be able to use it to expand and share my many two cents here and there. Epic failure repeated itself not so long after.
I started to feel the need to think before I tweeted; It’s no longer a fun activity when it burdened you. Moreover, the more I tweeted, the more crap I threw to the world. I became a meaningless persona on the tweeterverse. I decided to quit twitter too.
I have come to the conclusion that I am not a good information source or publisher. I am a technology and information channel adopter, but never a good presenter. I am a good listener of the blurbs of the world, but not a good one line writer.
So I guess that’s enough for me in exposing myself using social media channels on the internet. I belong to the information user, and will save my energy to do what I do best with that. Good luck to you guys status updaters, witty quotes writers of Facebook, or bring-your-friend-to-enlightenment-guys of whatever social media you use, and not forgetting the talk-about-yourself-when-I-should-not-even-care tweeter people.
Don’t get me wrong, no harm in those stuffs you guys do (and for god’s sake I will still read all your cool updates and tweets), It’s just that those stuffs are really, not for me.
Last weekend, from Santiago, I learnt that there was such thing called a beginner’s luck. And of him, I also learnt to trust the signs of the nature, and to talk to them.
From Ali Shigri, the Pakistani combat pilot, I learnt the proof of how the universe would conspire on your favour, if you really want it. And from his drill sergeant, I learnt that tomorrow’s battles are won in today’s practice.
From the people of my weekend, I learnt persistency and endurance.
My weekends have always been quiet, but they are never un-fruitful.
I grew up in a big family, where bonds of bloodline were preserved, and honoured to the maximum extent.
I remember seeing, hearing, and observing many family problems along the way to my adulthood.
I have seen prominent figures of the family, –not necessarily financially or socially established-, stepped up and took control on any given turmoil.
I have seen them helped their relatives, and of course I have, for countless times, witnessed how they helped me and my nuclear family, in their own limitations.
I have grown to see these figures as the most reliable ones. Entities who emit the most genuine affection towards the bond of a bloodline. Time and material limitations have failed to test these entities. They prevailed.
Sadly enough, as my time revolved too, these figures started to engage into new adventures of their divine fate. One by one, one after another, I kept on hearing news of how they would die of one cause or the other.
I cherish their legacy, unsure of being able to do the same, but their messages are clear. There is only one path to become ‘The Reliable Ones’.
Farewell folks, you have taught me much.
I dreamt of Changez, who went to Princeton, but ended up telling his tale in a restaurant down in Old Anarkali. And of Tony Gardner and his problematic wife and mistress, of Raymond who stayed in Charlie’s house, and of course, of Ulrich from Bulgaria, a blind man who saw the world clearer than anyone of us.
Fictitious characters, fictitious problem presentation you found only on good books. But the raw problem models are real,I have no hesitation in my deduction.
I believe each of us needs to somehow survive, and survival tips can come from anyone or even anything. I also believe none of us has the right to claim a unique problem set the world have never seen before.
I am resting my eyes, querying solutions from the problem solvers I have met, read, or even seen. The answer is somewhere I have been, not somewhere I have not.
It’s been like this for quite a while. My vision, my thoughts have joined forces to betray me every time I get home. The empty rooms of my apartment, empty hallway; Yes, it’s singular as I only have one hallway in my place. They sing an unsung lullaby.
The solitude feelings I got when switching on the lights, and quickly dimmed them all again. A burst of short-stopped spirit came usually after I cooked; or did other chores that put my body and mind to synergy.
Switching off the lights, unplugging my iron, tidying up my bed, I realized I was alone. The hollow became evident.
Resting my back to the only couch visible in the living room, I recalled the day. Everybody I know seemed to be talking about the upcoming Champions Cup final tonight, or is it tomorrow night, the fact escaped me. Some rooted for the England team, some for other. Not sure why. The gibberish became a boring topic in my head.
I looked at the book I twitted a while ago, still a few pages left, I sort of guessed the ending. Weird. My task list was full of to-be-followed up items, not sure when. The cold air began to lurk in as I rested my thoughts of the day.
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